To Belong, Or Not to Belong: Exploring Human Belonging
The Art of Belonging
To belong, or not to belong – that is the question. As is the question of whether human beings really need to feel a sense of belonging in order to: function, survive, experience happiness and ultimately, loved.
But what does it mean to belong? Is human belonging the fact that your children belong to you or that you belong to your spouse or employer? Do we feel better about ourselves when we have a feeling that we belong to a group of some kind in society, for instance our friendship network or the teenager who desires romance? Moreover, if our belonging needs go unmet, what effect does this have on our health?
To gain an insight into these questions proposed, let’s explore where these instinctual desires originate from.
Psychologist John Bowlby in 1969 defined attachment as a “lasting psychological connectedness between humans.” In the 1930s, Bowlby worked with emotionally disturbed children where he began to consider the role of the mother in shaping a child’s emotional, cognitive and social development, (Bowlby 1969).
Attachment needs can be thought of as, proximity-seeking, where the individual seeks to be physically close to the attachment figure, resists separation and is distressed when separated; secure base, which involves using the attachment figure as a base from which to venture out and explore the environment; and safe haven, which involves a threatened or frightened person seeking the attachment figure for comfort, support, and reassurance (Ainsworth, et al., 1978).
As a single primary attachment forms in the early years, multiple attachments also occur for example with Grandparents, these relationships and the potential “expectations” that come along with them become the foundation for our future interactions as a person enters adulthood (Bowlby, 1969).
The desire to connect with others is a universal feeling, one which can be seen as something we are born with – it is possible that this drive to feel we belong or have our needs met in some way, derives from our early experiences of the first attachment formed with our caregiver(s).
Through research, psychologists’ have been able to provide the public with an insight into what humans require in order to feel a sense of belonging, whether it is in a romantic relationship or friendship, however research into human belonging through friendships is lacking (Chopik, 2017).
Who can satisfy our belonging needs?
It is thought that the need to belong rests upon two distinct features; whether a person has frequent contact or personal interactions and the feeling that the bond held with the other individual is one underpinned by stability (Baumeister and Leary, 1995).
Numerous studies have concluded that group membership, whether it is with our friends, family, work or sport relations can enhance our health and happiness. Without the affiliation to social groups or ability to integrate into society successfully this can lead to detrimental effects on an individual’s physical and mental health. In addition to this, those who lack social and community ties were considered to have a shorter life expectancy than those who were frequently engaged in human interaction (Berkman and Syme, 1979).
However, this is one study amongst many and it is not with flaw as the research carried out by Berkman and Syme in 1979 did not take into consideration the participants’ health practice such as smoking, level of exercise, alcohol consumption and obesity which can leave us to consider if it is indeed true that lack of human connection affects our health and well-being.
Romantic connections have tremendous influence on belonging. Anthropologists have found evidence of romantic love in 170 societies. They’ve never found a society that did not have it, (Fisher, 2008). What does this suggest about romance and the fulfilment of human belonging? The current life stage of an individual will determine how important romance is for them. For example, during the early years whilst parents tend to be the key primary care provider and attachment figure, providing security and a safe haven – as the teen years emerge there’s a shift towards requiring validation and social acceptance amongst peers and inevitably romantic partners become important for the developing adolescent (Markiewicz, 2006).
Referring to the components of attachment outlined earlier, Markiewicz 2006 found that across three age groups (12-15, 16-19, 20-28) mothers were used most frequently for a secure base, yet within the 16-28 age range the mother was used less for proximity and safe haven. Whilst the youngest group still required this attachment component. Romantic partners tended to be used more for safe haven amongst the older age groups, using romances for proximity with a similar rate to the use of friends in the later age groups.
This means, depending on the age of an individual it can influence who they choose to form close attachments with based on what they provide.
How valuable are your friends?
We know that belonging can be fulfilled in romantic relationships as can the support of friendship groups though this depends on the life stage of a person. As we discussed, friendships can serve to be useful during the adolescent and early adulthood years with an attachment transfer occurring from family to friends (Markiewicz, 2006).
Previous research suggests that our friends become more important than our family as we age for numerous reason such as: loneliness that older individuals experience following retirement, possible bereavement of a spouse and having autonomy over selecting the networks they wish to keep. For those in the later life stages, solid friendship networks can be a predictor of good health and happiness and the reverse when there’s a strain with our social network, (Chopik, 2017).
Chopik (2017) also denotes that family can provide a sense of belonging however they can be unsettled by sombre obligatory interactions.
Our friends can have positive and negative influences with regards to our health and wellbeing. For example, over a 32-year period researchers looked at the likelihood of a person becoming obese if someone in their social network also became obese during the same period. Whilst family had a 40% influence, partners 37%, friends served the largest influence with 57% likelihood, (Christakis & Fowler, 2007).
These findings, along with the few studies produced on the value of friendships across the lifespan, provide motivation towards researching further whether human belonging within friendships changes across the life stages.
As people age, they experience a better sense of belonging with friendships across the lifespan.
Do they really? In finding out whether this is true, after reviewing the relevant literature surrounding belonging, a self-report technique of 25 statements to rate on a scale from 1 (not at all) to 5 (extremely) was created and distributed to 330 respondents’ electronically. To test whether people experienced a better sense of belonging as they age, the two key themes kept in mind: age and belonging, supported the research hypothesis.
Before generating a focus of the study an understanding of the ethical responsibilities in relation to the Code of Human Research Ethics outlined by the British Psychological Society (BPS) ensured no indirect harm would be caused to participants’. In addition to this all respondents were anonymised, required to provide their consent and made aware they could withdraw at any time. The Faculty of Education, Health and Wellbeing Psychology Research Ethics Committee of the University of Wolverhampton reviewed and approved the study.
The research question was set to answer the hypothesis about how belonging changes over the lifespan, in order to do this statements were generated and refined as part of the 25-item scale. Examples of the statements included;
Regular contact with friends is important to me.
My friends give me a sense of belonging.
Narrowing down the statements to ensure internal validity of the study, meant removing unnecessary mention of family or intimate partners as not to confuse the participants. The target population included those above the age of 18, it was not characteristic specific i.e. gender or race. Participants’ volunteered to take part in the study following researcher requests.
Upon finalising the hypothesis, “As people age, they experience a better sense of belonging with friendships across the lifespan” the study was ready to test the relationship between age and belonging.
Using the self-report tool of an electronic survey was an advantage in that it could be distributed readily – enabling easy access to groups who could have otherwise been difficult to reach or those reluctant to discuss belonging amongst friends openly.
Findings Out of the 330 participants who completed the survey, 228 were female, 91 were male, 6 were non-binary/third gender, and 5 preferred not to say. The age range of those involved was between 18-91 years.
What does this mean for age and belonging across the lifespan?
In summary, no causation was found between the variables: age and belonging between friendships. The direction of the relationship amongst the variables doesn’t indicate that a positive correlation between age and belonging occurs overtime as research suggests.
However, it is necessary to note that 87% of participants were under the age of 60-years. This limits the test set to measure age and belonging across the lifespan as those in the later adulthood stage were not represented i.e. 70+
If previous findings suggest that a greater sense of belonging in friendships occurs in the older life stages, then these results aren’t uncommon – rather a case of not having adequate participants in the older life stage to partake in the research. Since the older age groups responses were limited, it could question the suitability of the electronic survey method. A lack of responses in the 60+ age groups might be due to technology illiteracy.
Likewise, as respondents’ were tasked with providing a unique code number prior to completing the survey, this additional step could have discouraged those rushed for time or without sufficient technology knowledge to “give up” on the survey (Garton, et al., 1999).
There are other factors to consider which could have contributed towards the findings. The participants were largely female (228 out of 330) this means the study lacks population validity: have we really tested age and belonging accurately between genders?
These findings could give cause for exploring belonging and gender. Are women more likely to gain a sense of belonging from their romantic relationships as opposed to friendships in comparison to men?
Kulik (2002) states,
as spouses age, their social networks beyond the marital dyad may change such that marriage becomes an equally salient source of well-being for both men and women. As they age, older men (and women, to a lesser extent) exit full-time employment, reduce social contact with former colleagues, and increase interactions with their spouse
It is possible that friends do not have as great of an influence over belonging in the early to middle adulthood life stages. We know from the research outlined that friendships play an integral role in the lives of individuals especially when close attachments begin to dissolve i.e. bereavement. Since those in the early and middle life stages are less likely to encounter a bereavement due to old age or illnesses associated with age, friends may not be required so much at this stage. Perhaps it is likely that friends at this life stage perform a different function for individuals, for example the mother who is burdened by the triple shift effect (Duncombe & Marsden, 1995) of emotional handlings of the family, domestic duties and employment – the immediate source of support could be a romantic partner. When this is not possible, supplementary support might be friends. This could be explored in future research, focusing on the role of belonging between gender.
References
Berkman, L. F., & Syme, S. L. (1979). Social networks, host resistance, and mortality: a nine-year follow-up study of Alameda County residents. American journal of epidemiology, 109(2), 186–20https://doi.org/10.1093/oxfordjournals.aje.a112674
Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117(3), 497–529. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.117.3.497
Chopik, W. J. (2017). Associations among relational values, support, health, and well‐being across the adult lifespan. Personal Relationships, 24(2), 408–422. https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12187
Christakis, N. A., & Fowler, J. H. (2007). The spread of obesity in a large social network over 32 years. The New England journal of medicine, 357(4), 370–379. https://doi.org/10.1056/NEJMsa066082
Duncombe, J., & Marsden, D. (1995). ‘Workaholics’ and ‘Whingeing Women’: Theorising Intimacy and Emotion Work — The Last Frontier of Gender Inequality? The Sociological Review, 43(1), 150–169. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-954X.1995.tb02482.x
Fisher, H. February 2008. The brain in love. [https://www.ted.com/talks/helen_fisher_the_brain_in_love/transcript?language=en] TEDTalk.
Gupta, V., & Korte, C. (1994). The Effects of a Confidant and a Peer Group on the Well-Being of Single Elders. The International Journal of Aging and Human Development, 39(4), 293–302. https://doi.org/10.2190/4YYH-9XAU-WQF9-APVT
Garton, L., Haythornthwaite, C., & Wellman, B. (1999). Studying on-line social networks. In S. Jones (Ed.), Doing Internet Research: Critical Issues and Methods for Examining the Net (pp. 75–105). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
Kulik L. (2002). His and her marriage: Differences in spousal perceptions of marital life in late adulthood. In: Shohov SP, editor. Advances in psychology research. Huntington, NY: Nova Science; pp. 21–32
Markiewicz, D., Lawford, H., Doyle, A. B., & Haggart, N. (2006). Developmental Differences in Adolescents’ and Young Adults’ Use of Mothers, Fathers, Best Friends, and Romantic Partners to Fulfill Attachment Needs. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 35(1), 127–140. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10964-005-9014-5
Strube, M. J. (1988). The decision to leave an abusive relationship: Empirical evidence and theoretical issues. Psychological Bulletin, 104(2), 236–250. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.104.2.236